reflections

My Nephew

2007-09-30T21:29:00.000+05:30

Just for a quick one. Here's introducing my nephew : "Aditya". He's very smart, cute and talkative (though he makes little sense out of his words). Always in a playful mode, gets me tired first when get into boxing with each other. There's just one thing in which I come out strong against him - making him fall asleep in my arms, on my shoulder. So nice to just be with him. Take a camera in front of him to take his snaps and he will always look at it, never anywhere else whatever you may try to distract him! If he cries, show him his pics on a slideshow; will definitely smile back in moments! Never pees in your lap! What else would you want from a 6 month old!

Here's a pic of me with him, cheek-to-cheek. That is the way he always is in my arms.

Here's another one! Ecstatic!

Casino Royale

2006-12-23T14:48:00.001+05:30

Casino Royale has few sequences that were good but overall the movie was lacking a good story. Basically, it did not have a "bond mission". But, I liked Daniel Craig! Of course, you don't expect him to be like say Pierce Brosnan carrying himself around as a bond but I think he was better in that he did not use much gadgets... He did not roll a car on a mouse pad. I think it will take some time before people start accepting him in that role. Seems: few like change.

The action sequences were good. The whole plot was rather pathetic lacking much sense and maturity. The whole playing cards thing doesn't suit! Few will call it just another action movie!

I liked Daniel from "Munich". It was a good movie and everyone played their role quite well. The girl is from the movie "Kingdom of Heaven", Eva Green.

As for me, I expect a little bit brainy stuff in bond movies... And I did not agree to the logic of "M" why Bond was traded for his life by the girl and why the bad guys would let him survive just because the girl made a deal for all the money. It is just an unacceptable theory in my opinion. Bad guys are not that good!

Overall rating : 3/5 [the initial sequence was fantastic with the guys flying around] Watchable entertainment!

Merry Christmas and A very Happy New Year, everyone! Have lots and lots of fun!

Seventeen days

2006-11-19T13:33:00.000+05:30

I started with when I'm gone. I came to know of the secrets I help deep within. No one could see 'em, expose 'em. When you are running in the dark, you don't know where you are going. You surely would be off-track 'cause life isn't so straight-forward. You may fall, you may hurt yourself. What do you do? Stay still hoping lights will be there soon and will guide you. But you can't stop, you've got to keep moving. But what if there isn't no way, no guide nothing to lead you to somewhere. You think you are going nowhere. Fear you are gonna be a waste. But is it really true that you are in dark? Is it really true that you don't know your way? Are you really lost? You have become so blind that you cannot see anything. You don't care about anything, you just keep moving. Life has become so, what do you do? Take a moment, take a breathe. Keep the faith.

"3 doors down". Recently, got to listen to their latest album Seventeen days and I must say, Iliked it first hand.

I have a special liking of Brad's voice. Very original. The other two B's, I like, being - Bono, Bryan.

Reflections

2006-11-09T17:41:00.000+05:30

Cold mountain had a sequence in which Nicole Kidman looks in the well. She sees something. We saw that too. And immediately that gets percieved as a flock of birds (crows?) flying in with a dark centered image of Jude Law coming.

Mind is truely creative - it can make out meaningful things out of nothing. I mean, what was it actually? Was it anything more than just ripples of water in the well? An obvious mind would say No and that would of course be right.. but there are things different people want to see. It is their imagination that varies. I wonder what a person would see it as had he not seen the movie or the part of it until this sequence came up. Just that clip. What would he percieve out of those ripples? The same? I doubt.

Without context things may look different to many. That is what reflections are all about. When you stand before a mirror, let's say when combing your hair after bath or say washing your face. Do you notice anything else that is part of the reflection? I usually don't.

What is the very next thought that comes into your mind when you see a cat cross your path ahead? If you are aware of the belief that it is going to make your outing unsuccessful or affect it in some way - that will be what you will think. You will think if your task is gonna get successfully complete or if it will be ill-affected. The way it can get ill-affected etc. This will happen irrespective of your belief towards such sayings/superstitions. You will not even notice if the cat's tail is straight up or curled or pointing down.

The events happening in one's life tell a lot. But we only listen to things, we are only open to... things that we want to percieve. The things we learn out of them tells us about the bias-ness we have in our outlook. The more open you are the more you learn. The narrower you are, the lesser you know. The lesser to grow. It is not totally an individual's responsibility. It is how we are brought up and it depends on the environment we are brought up. This bias-ness sometimes is the result of past experiences. But being a rational observer is different, it distinguishes you. It becomes a differentiating factor when in a crowd. Sometimes that can be for the good and sometimes for the bad. But aren't they the people who really matter?

Funny thing you will usually see!

2006-09-11T21:09:00.000+05:30

Life is full of amusements.. it's just how closely you look at them and how do you percieve them. Also, your involvement level also determines that. One thing that can be greatly funny for one can be irritating for the other.

Two people are fighting on the road but they would never find it humorous. I can if I am watching them - because fighting to me is stupid. I know I am that stupid sometimes, well most of the times.. but really with peace in my mind - I can never imagine to be one of those two! For someone else, that event can mean anything else.. that could be irritating, humorous, awkward, hurting, intimidating, senseless.. anything.. even motivating (in 2 distinct ways) ! It could be harmful, it could be helpful and to some it won't cause any effect, they will simply ignore it an move on.

I will tell you a small incident that you will almost always see on any Indian road. This is the inspiration behind this blog entry. I was on my bike way to my office.. and there was a huge truck quite ahead of me.. behind it were 2 auto-rickshaws and behind those two autos were 3 or 4 motorbikes with some rickshaws along with them.. (Yeah, India is diverse and I am proud of it! Similarly, Indian traffic is diverse but I am not proud of it! Forgive me for that). So, it is usually office hours that time and the traffic is too much at some places. So, this truck is moving very slow because there are a few DTC (Delhi Trasport Corporation) buses ahead of it on the sideways at a stop to allow people sucked into them.

I was in a hurry to office and I started blowing the horn but seeing the scenario, I thought better keep quiet and let my fingers rest (I work very hard! No kidding! :D). Then on I saw these bike guys blowing horn and then the autos started the same.. now there were about 5-6 horns blowing at the same time.. constantly.. did the truck let them pass? Forget about it.. it couldn't even if it tried.. Then started the brownian motion of those "vehicles" ahead of me... those guys shaking their head.. the bike guy blaming the auto guy for jam and the auto guy blaming the poor rickshaw puller and they all arguing... I was standing behind with my legs on the ground.. and a pretty, cute but dry smile on my face. I was laughing in the inside.

So, you see, like I said - life is full of amusements. I found mine for that day. I don't know how much I helped you visualize it but it was really funny.. atleast to me.. May be not for those guys.. the rickshaw puller - who is blamed almost always in such situations. The strong rules the weak.. isn't it? That is the basic law of nature.. Things may be the same but perceptions vary.. The hitch is on self - do you want to ruin your day? Never!! So, act that way... its tough, I know, I try... I fail but when I succeed - it really means a lot!

Cheers! Have a great time ahead!

Are you a self-taught?

2006-08-27T13:19:00.002+05:30

In India, people learning programming via their curriculum are far less than required. They would be Bachelors/Masters in Computer science from various univerities/colleges. There would be MCAs (Master in Computer Applications) from various univs/colleges. But this crowd is not even close to the requirements of this industry.

Now, lets come to engineering stream in general. There are highly competitive entrance exams to just get admission into some of the engineering disciplines of various colleges and univs. Students prepare very hard to get into IITs and various RECs. Considering the effort that they put in, it is likely that they would have had learnt some level of logical thinking and interpretation either by the gift of their brain or by hard work and practice.

It has been found that such engg background people are good in problem solving and logical thinking. They are quite okay in preparing algorithms to reach to a solution to a given problem. Such people are ideal for the programming job.

So, we have 2 lots - computers science grads (BE/ME in Comp Sc or MCAs) and the engineering grads from other streams like Mechanical engineering/Civil/Industrial/Ocean Engineering & Naval Architecture/Mining etc. The first lot finds it easy to get jobs in the system programming side. While the second lot gets into the Application development side. There are overlaps between the two but it is very minor.

Now, the education system in India has built itself so, that people usually get into engineering streams and medical streams (others too but they are irrelevant in this context). Here, degrees are valued and to find a job possessing a good degree, is easier. Why? Because the business that is coming to India requires that. The jobs here are not because of the local IT requirements of India but because of the outsourcing from US and UK (some parts of rest of Europe). They require good people to work for them and this drives the recruitment process.

For example - my clients want to get their job done by IITians with 2+ years of relevant experience or else a higher experience level (compromising in degree) of about 4+ or 5+ years of relevant experience (for the same level).

For a person coming from some other background for a programming job, it is very very tough and un-realistic to achieve. There is some much competition for them from the engineering grads that they are not even eligible to appear. 4 or 5 years earlier from now, it was easy for a Physics grad to get a programming job - now it isn't. Because the IT industry has even influenced the curriculum in the engineering colleges... with increased focus to compete. Suppose, a company hires such a person - it will be tough to get them billable to the clients. This leads to loss for the company - so why hire such people in the first place?

There is one scenario where the degree doesn't matter - that is freelancing. But freelancing is not that visible in India... there are probably great oppurtunities around this in europe and us but not in India. You cannot get business here because there are no local oppurtunities. For US and Europe, the demand is local and hence it is easier. For us, its tough until our local IT business requirements develop.

Of course, experts are respected everywhere but it depends on how that respect materializes. Respect alone cannot give one: bread. I have tried to summarize the facts but some may be out of line or can find unacceptance and neither do I bet on them but to me that seems to be the true story out here. In India, jobs are not a choice that a person can make. It is his upbringing and education that leads him to the market place relevant to him.

I saw the profile of many foriegn authors of programming books saying they worked in restaurants, were astrologers, were Physicists, were in Medical science etc etc prior to getting interested in programming. You will definitely not find such profiles in India. But note that "such profiles" must not be confused with "such people". I stress on profile because there are such dynamic people in India too, there is no scarcity - its just that the ecosystem here doesn't let them grow! May be someday this changes! I am hopeful.

Mental crap

2006-01-16T14:43:00.000+05:30

It's been long since I did something to my blogs... lieing alone in the midst of numerous others... I even had problems recognizing it becauses of the bruises that it might have had got when you entered it, found no new pots and spilled some garbage collection of characters to form the non-illusionary abusive strings. Aah! Forget it..I'm just messing with you. But here I am, on the blog again, but not for too long and for a short note. I will mess with you a bit more!

Is there some pattern that we all keep following and are a part of or is everything so random that any predictions are merely things we try to fake to make ourselves feel significant? Now, this is a very cruel question. It may hurt you as it did to me. But that is ultimate reality. I never questioned myself so... but I did it this time and until now haven't found anything rock-solid to justify my existence and the meaning to be.

Doesn't randomness follow some pattern? I am sure it must! It's just that the randomizer for these events, that keep on happening with us, is so highly developed and complex that we are too naive to understand even a part of it. In this whole big universe there must be something that causes something else to happen somewhere else and these somethings somewhere else influence the events at some other co-ordinates and so on (by the way, do we know the origin?). Atleast this what the chaos theory is all about.. isn't it? Finding out the deterministic solutions to the completely random behaviours exhibited by one and all things that we can see with the use of no random factors.

This is what life is all about. If it becomes predictable, if it's not randomized, if the behaviours don't change... everything would look so dull.. colorless. Life is all about exploring things.. and by exploring I certainly don't mean knowing the truth but just keep us convincingly contrived in our own superficial thought system - that yes, we do know something. Even though we may be far far away from finding out even an infinitesimal part of it.

In office on a saturday

2005-10-22T15:38:00.000+05:30

Yeah..true...I am becoming a workaholic. I woke up this morning and freshened up. Took a meal - some 4 parathas and a vegetable bhujia and fried dal. Then, listened to some really loud music to entertain myself. But couldn't and now I am here in my office desk writing this post even though I don't really have any thing to work. So, now you may say this is not a sign of workaholic but yeah this surely is a sign of increasing affinity towards the work place. I totally agree.

Yesterday, was feeling same bored up and thought of watching some movies. Took Nayab, forced him to dress up and went to the Music World store in Atta Market that is there near the Barista Coffee shop. Took some 6 videos. 4 mine and 2 that Nayab bought. Took a round of the Center Stage Mall and even that was looking so dead!!! No colors, no beauties, nothing! So we just entered a few showrooms looking for some winter jackets but couldn't find anything appealing. May be in the back of my head, I was not ready to buy anything else but the ones for which I left for the market.

Came home...the first movie that Nayab and me saw was "The Manchurian Candidate". Was kind of good, but did not suit our mood of that night. Then after walked around in my flat for sometime..here and there...sometimes kitchen ...sometimes the hall...and then sometimes looked into the refrigerator if it had something in store for me?..Yeah..some sweets but nothing more. And these Docs, I am fed up of them ..they banned any cold eatables/drinkables for me...like cold water, ice-creams, cold milk or fruit-juice..cold coffee (Oh! I loved it so much). Anyways..

Then after everyone got asleep in my flat but as usual I couldnt find one for myself. Walked to same places over and over again..then planned to see the rest of the movies ..not all but may be one more. Took the box and picked up "40 days and 40 nights". Man, I had not seen this movie previously, and it was so funny...I loved it and by the time it finished the clock had already struck 3:00 p.m. in the night. Time to sleep...Yeah...sleep. I sometimes hate being numb...but we got to follow the rules..right...we got to keep the tradition going..so had to sleep.

Slept and woke up at 12:00 noon today and then whatever happened is there in the first paragraph. I sometimes wonder what my life is turning into..Anyways...I should stop wondering and do something creative on the internet now like writing another post in my "Learning C++" blog. Have a nice time guys..Take care and have fun. Bye.

The ground beneath our feet

2005-10-11T14:41:00.000+05:30

I was sleeping - 8th Oct morning - until 9:30 a.m. (IST). I was dreaming...that I was sleeping late and my friends living with me were trying to wake me by moving my bed - shaking it...and I kept ignoring them coz I felt they will stop after some more trials...I had slept late last night hence didn't have the courage to wake up that early.

But then suddenly my flat mate shouted ..."run run...its an earthquake tremor....". I was in my baniyan and shorts ...and one of my other friends was there too...we both got up fast....and ran to the door...then came back for our shirts...and started climbing down the stairs hurriedly from the 7th floor of our apartment...we did not use the lifts...I didnt feel like using it (which was a good choice)...we tooks the stairs instead. And within seconds we were in the open.

Nearly everyone in our society in the small open area that we had.It was an earthquake ... but until then its effects had faded away at our place...I thank God that we here were safe that day. I offer my prayers to all those who suffered the troubles of this calamity. Estimations are showing signs that the death toll could reach 40,000 and children are specially bad hit. One of the worst earthquakes.

I just wish that my friends and fellow beings are fine and those who have suffered overcome the disaster with all their strength. The world would for sure not be the same for many.

Abnegator

2005-10-06T12:30:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I feel like there should be no emotions..no feelings..no thoughts..nothing to wonder upon...living like a machine..given a task ..do it finish it out and stay quiet. Don't worry about the past...don't worry about the present...don't worry about the future. Dont think upon what others say, have said or may say. Dont wonder about how they react, have reacted or might react. I sometimes want to kill all my sensitivity. I am very sensitive to things happening around me. That agitates me. Asks me to do something to get things in order, the way they should be. And sometimes I try. I try...and sometimes I succeed. Those times make me feel good. But the times when I fail, that hurts me...causes me to think a thousand things. My mind is not able to keep up with those many thoughts coming into my head. I sometimes feel they are going to make me crazy one day and I am going to land up in some mental hospital or something..No..not lieing...not joking. I am serious. Due to these many thoughts I sometimes go ahead a few steps than the people concerned and there comes a communication gap that is obviously going to do no good to any of us.

Man should have had been a machine. Sleep. Wake up. Do things. Take inputs to keep going. And again go to sleep and like every machine has its own lifetime, man would have too and after that he would be thrown to some garbage planet and replaced. But this is my personal view and thought that is coming into my mind right now. May be a moment later I would start appreciating the things as they are but right now....hatred prevails and because of this hatred I want to go numb...comfortably numb.

Don't we take life too seriously? Atleast I do..and I sometimes hate myself for doing that. Live it easy. Throw away the extra buffers of emotions away to the nearest dustbins. They arent too precious to be kept. And since they lead me into troubles, all the rest of scope of preservation relinquishes. People ask me why I kept my blog name as abnegator? I answer them in many different ways. But the main reason I kept it because I want to separate myself out of the human behaviour from time to time. Be senseless, feelingless, emotionless, just laying around. Without thinking anything. Keeping my mind blank. With neither love nor hatred for anyone..or anything. With neither sympathy nor jealousy with anyone..or anything. With neither satisfaction nor dissatisfaction. Just blank. Blank in my mind...blank in my heart. With none of the senses working. Yes, true, sometimes I feel like going into such a state. And when I am there I want myself to get rid of everything in life. Give up everything. I want to abnegate...I want to become an abnegator.

Loneliness

2005-09-13T11:20:00.000+05:30

Last night I was not able to sleep well in the night. The night before it, I was awake till 3 - 3:30 in the morning and had got off bed comparatively earlier. And hence I should have had been a bit more drowsy and sleepy last night because of that. But this wasn't happening.

I roamed around in the hall and everyone was asleep. I took a chair and went to the balcony with a towel around my neck. I sat there for sometime and I was feeling so fresh as if I could go to my office and sit there for another 8-10 hours of work. But obviously I was not going to do that. I sat there for some time, took a deep breath and came back to my bed. It had rained during the day and a little in the night too. I was feeling cool after such a long time. Delhi is really, really too hot and this year it was worse than last, i think.

I am just waiting for the winter season to come. I love it. You dont have anything to complain about it except for the cold water that you cannot use to take a bath. :D . But, now since I do have solutions to that, there is really no complaints against this season. And whenever this comes - i recall my school life. Sitting below those colorful trees and waiting for the rickshaw guy to pick-and-drop to our homes. And when I recall those colorful trees, the movie "Autumn in New York" comes into my mind. That is one of my favourites.

P.S. - I composed this post a few days back and instead of publishing I did a "Save as Draft". :D By the way, Champion's League is on the roll. Man U have still disappointed me, esp Rooney taking up that useless Red Card just for a foolish reason in the early minutes of the second half. Had that not happened ManU could have had won the game since they improved a lot from the first half display. Also, I seriously think that they desperately need a creative star in the midfield cause it look real ordinary. Anyways, more matches are to come lets hope they gain their form and are able to perform better with what they have. Have fun people. Cheers. :Thumbs up: :D

Losing Interest

2005-09-09T10:58:00.000+05:30

I think now I am losing interest in blogs. I am not very sure about the reasons for it. And that is the reason that the frequency of the posts is decreasing. But I have something interesting to share this time.

Here's a small story for now that will find the characters in it reading it too but still I would dare expose it to you people so that you know how people react when things aren't going the way they want, which in-turn could take you off your feet and leave you puzzled and/or off-mood.

There is this person whose blog I used to read. Not so frequently but yeah most of the times whenever there was a new post or I went blog reading. I do that fewer times now-a-days. I put up a comment on that blog saying that you always speak of the same thing. I said one more thing that must be known to many and its goes like - When you are going on the wrong side of the road - you find the vehicles coming straight at you making your journey uneasy. It may even cause an accident. Is that not true? I did not even lie when I said that you repeated the same thing again and again - what's wrong with saying that when you have the same thing right in front of you.

I was having a headache this day - a very severe one and then suddenly the ym window pops up and this person starts on with the arguments and blah blah blah... I dont want to get to that. Huh, who am I to care about that? I just said, the trick is - Don't share your inner self on the internet if you think people would start bugging you, commenting on those, and judging you. If you are so scared and so conscious about that, then the simple thing to do is stop blogging .. goddammit..You should maintain a diary instead. That you share with yourself and the people you know how they are gonna react. Not to everyone. Or else, dont allow comments, delete the comments you dont like but how good is this that you go on bugging someone you dont even know and that too for something that is true. The least you would do is start telling them your sad story...should I start mine? Do you have a patient ear? What if I repeated my story every now and then whenever I met you? Sure you would hear that once/twice/thrice/a hundred times even but not any more. There is a limit cause I know you are not GOD!

Enough of it..It turned out bad for something that I did not even intend, it was one of those light moment reactions and there are people who do take that seriously!!! I was feeling so annoyed due to that headache that I might have had said some strong words that I would not have instead. But a thing to note - they are very pleased when they see comments like - well done, nice post, you are great...etc etc etc. They are very happy to read them. Not all do know how to handle the criticism but my logic is if you can't then don't expose yourself to the world. I may be mean but the world is meaner.

So far as blogging is concerned. Nothing new happening in life. Work is okay. Personal life is ok. Home is ok. Weekends are ok too. By the way, lots of soccer action this weekend. Hope to enjoy it. Have a good weekend. Cheers.

The long wait ends!!!

2005-08-30T11:10:00.000+05:30

Yup...the long wait has ended and the various soccer seasons are on the go. First three weeks have not been filled with the best thrillers of EPL (i could only follow this), but still there is a lot more to come. The weekends will be fun again..sitting infront of the screen and lying on my bed. With my head and upper back on a bunch of pillows making me comfortable enough to look at it (it being on nearly the same level as my bed, a little higher I guess), I could lay idle for days and do nothing. Yeah, this is the truth and the past three weeks since the premier league season has started are quite supportive of what I am speaking.

Meanwhile, cricket is also rocking these days with the Ashes last test becoming a must-watch. England are ahead in the series, 2-1 and they have challenged the Australians, who must have been by now thinking that were unbeatable. It would be a fantastic game to watch.

India cricket team on the other hand is miserable. Bowlers have been saving some respect for them else they would have landed up nowhere and could be well considered equivalent to nothing better than Bangladesh and Holland cricket teams (these are quite amateur teams in cricket, though). They need some boost up and the batsmen need some runs desperately. If I am not wrong majority of the runs in the recent games have been scored by the people coming down the order, that is, the last 5-6 players (batting order) or so. I dont know what has happened to them. Hope they get better.

I have been enjoying the fantasy football as well. Am not that highly ranked in the competition but I am happy that I am in 4 figures :D, otherwise in previous seasons I would be in 5 figures for the most part of it. Hope this time my selections do well. Here's the site Fantasy Manager (for English Premier League its Premier Fantasy Manager ). Register for free and enjoy all the fun that you can squeeze out of the fantasy football. Cheers.

Is this true - where there is a will there is a way?

2005-08-22T22:22:00.000+05:30

I have been thinking upon this phrase for sometime now. I have always believed in it. I have always followed the path it shows. But now due to certain circumstances I am currently in I have started questioning it. May be I think a lot.

You would try your best. And that best is obviously going to distinguish you from others around. You would want specializing in something. This is very important to grow fast and higher in your career. You have started loving something related to your work. And then your commander-in-chief would ask you to work upon something where you would have to make a fresh start. And you are again back to same starting position as you were earlier, in a different race. I would explain the situation with a small analogy.

You are a very good biker. You drive bikes like crazy. For sure, you are not the world champion but still you are among the best around and you are constantly improving. You love biking. You are passionate about it. You have all the things that are required for you to becomes the best, literally the best in the field of bike racing. You could be the number 1 in that someday. Who would not dream about something of that kind? I would. Even if I would not be a number 1 but still would be near to it..not very near to it?...but certainly that depends..doesnt it?

Now, someday, you are asked to pick up a F1 racing car and asked to get into a race with the biggies around. And now you have to go with this decision because you dont have any choices to make, you are not authorized. You had the will - to become a bike-racer. You had the start. For the first time in your life you had thought of something and decided based on your own thoughts, your own beliefs. But now everything is changed. Not that the Formula 1 doesnt have challenges but that was never your dream. Not that if you tried hard you could not be a winner in F1 but that was never your interest. Was it?

I could go on and on. But the point is - first there has to be a way and then only can you accumulate your will power. There has to be an interest upon which your will would build on. There are certain things that you dont want to compromise with. I have always stated - never chase someone else's dreams. Analyze yourself and try figuring out whats the best for you and when you are sure ... go ahead but does this world give you that freedom? I am not sure.

There is a fighter inside everyone. There is one in me too. And he would not compromise over his will. There are ways without the will but he would not chose them. He has that arrogance, he has that attitude...he has that ego! He would try to prove himself right. He would try to prove the phrase - "Where there is a will, there's a way!" right and then lets see how far does he succeed. Life is a mix of successes and failures.

Sometimes, you dont have that much freedom but whatever you have is to be exploited to the extreme and rest all is to be left un-thought. I dont know what to write more, I guess I have spilled enough out of my confused mind and I would stop but seriously I have started doubting the phrase, hope its not proved wrong!!!

Flying Kite on Independence Day

2005-08-16T10:47:00.000+05:30

So it was our nation's 59th Independence day celebration (58th Anniversary - thanks watstheneed for correcting me). Could not reach in the morning for any of the flag hoisting functions but did watch a lot of movies based around the nationalist feelings. Some of them - Hindustan ki Kasam, Karma and Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani.

Star News. Host - Shekhar Suman. The programme - Pol Khol..dont remember its actual name. Some country leaders/politicians - interviewed and asked - simplest questions on the Independence day eve. Basically just these 2:

1. What is our National Anthem? Please sing a few lines of it?
2. What is our National Song? Please sing a few lines of it?

And none of them were able to get these right. Its was funny in one way with politicians asking their PA's to help them, write down the lyrics, help them recall etc etc and even the PA's were not able to. And it was disastrous in the other as they being the leaders of our nation dont know these basics that even a kid from standard one can tell you in one breath. Shame. Shame. Yuck !!!

But lets not get dragged away by them. Their talks could go endless. So, this year I had my own program for the celebration. Was going out in our society, to some shop to find something to eat. On the way found a kite dropped on the pavement and hurriedly picked it up and it had a long thread attached too..someone's got cut by someone else's. I enjoyed kite-flying so much during my early years when I was in school. I would return back home take the stuff and run away on the roof in the hot afternoons and fly it for hours fighting with others' in the sky. Sometimes I won, sometimes I lost. But it was fun anyways.

And here I was reliving those moments again. My flat-mate Nayab didnt allow me buy new kites and thread. He didn't have the tempo and even mine faded away the previous day...but now there was no stopping. It was right infront of me to be unleashed in the sky.

I took that and ran for the elevator and then on the stairs to reach the roof top. Abhishek Noida and Nayab joined. It was a nice kite indeed. Had some troubles getting it to some altitude but once it went it was flying like a bird...free...even went vertically up...just above our heads. And then a villian kite came from behind and slashed our thread that was probably very weak (remember it was not mine..i just had grabbed it from somewhere). I felt so sad and then some other came down to our roof. You dont need to buy stuff of your own...be on the roof..stay for sometimes..run around a bit and I am sure you will end up with dozen of those. We collected 3 and lost 2 in the fight. The last one was a sicko! That idiot did not want to fly even after our hearty/sweaty trials and finally ended up torn on the ground.

So that was it...was fully fun-filled. Ecstatic moments. Childhood was really fun. And Independence day found its new meaning in my heart. Fly high. Boundless. On your own. Making the best out of your life. Make your dreams come true. Making our country a heavenly place to live in. Make your presence/life a blessing to others by the Almighty. I love my nation. I am proud of it. Say all - Jai Hind.

Results! Results! Results! OkCupid! The Personality Defect Test

2005-08-12T13:04:00.000+05:30

Televangelist
You are 42% Rational, 57% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 57% Arrogant.

As the Lord as my witness, I swear upon the good book that you are indeed the TELEVANGELIST! Characterized by extreme arrogance, self-assurance, and extroversion, you would make a very charismatic leader (or a very despotic one). On top of that, you are also more intuitive than rational, predisposing you to a more spiritual or emotional outlook on life. Thus, you are thoroughly irrational. You also tend to be rather gentle and considerate of others' feelings. Clearly, you would make the perfect televangelist. Emotional, extroverted, arrogant, and gentle, you annoy the hell out of people who have to listen to the feel-good, intuitive shit spewing from your mouth. Not only that, but people may look down on you as a self-centered asshat. So while you are gentle and genuinely care about others, it is quite clear that you still care about yourself MORE. Why is your personality flawed? Because you are too damned extroverted, emotional, and arrogant. So preach your irrational message, brotha-man! I assure you, no one will be listening!

To put it less negatively:
1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.
2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.
3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.
4. You are more ARROGANT than humble.

Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the Spiteful Loner.
Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hippie, the Starving Artist, and the Robot.

Sure about your career?

2005-08-03T12:20:00.000+05:30

Am taking a lot of quizes/tests these days...This is another one that I took ... a career test...am taking a few more from other providers too..but this is how the one from similarminds went.

Career Inventory Test Results

Extroversion		56%
Emotional Stability		60%
Orderliness		70%
Altruism		43%
Inquisitiveness		50%

You are an Executive, possible professions include - program designer, attorney, administrator, office manager, chemical engineer, sales manager, logistics consultant, franchise owner, new business developer, personnel manager, investment banker, labor relations, management trainer, credit investigator, mortgage broker, corporate team trainer, environmental engineer, biomedical engineer, business consultant, educational consultant, personal financial planner, network integration specialist, media planner/buyer.

Take Free Career Test

Quite true and correct as per my current perception but the questions were very silly..they were as straighforward as asking "What is your name?"..and every one knows I won't say "Bond...James Bond.."

What's Your Fantasy Island? Test - 3

2005-08-01T15:21:00.000+05:30

Took another test/quiz - What's Your Fantasy Island? And the result was St. Lucia. Now, for sure, I would love to go to this place to see if the results came out fine or not... Umm..not today..not this year... not any near... but may be someday :).

Indulgence — that's your focus when considering the perfect island getaway. That's why a luxurious Caribbean gem like St. Lucia is right for you. After all, it's a vacation — what better time to indulge every whim? Can't you just hear the steel drums as you delight in spa treatments or have cocktails served on the beach? Or maybe you'd rather shop the day away and splurge on a fancy seafood dinner? Whatever your extravagances, you find that pampering yourself is the best way to let go of stress and revitalize for the road ahead.

With your style and elegance, you expect the very best from yourself and others — and St. Lucia is just the relaxing, pampering place to give you what you want. Live it up!

Took the Personality disorder test too..

2005-07-31T23:35:00.000+05:30

I am yet to analyse the test results but here are the test results of the personality disorder test. Will try to find out how accurate is it.

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid		42%
Schizoid		58%
Schizotypal		42%
Antisocial		50%
Borderline		26%
Histrionic		46%
Narcissistic		50%
Avoidant		42%
Dependent		30%
Obsessive-Compulsive		54%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.
Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

Took the classic movie test

2005-07-31T23:10:00.000+05:30

Took the "What classic movie are you?" test and this is the result that I got.....I dont know if this is truely correct or not .. but I dont know myself even, so its a bit hard to judge. Its really tough to know yourself..isnt it? You cannot generalize your characteristics...coz there are different ways in which you react to things..sometimes in a predicatable manner and sometimes just any way.

But who has time to think about things so much..I believe life is too short to waste time thinking about the rights and the wrongs...You should have some baselines created though and then live life easy. Enjoy every part of it. I dont even believe in doing things so that people would remember me ever and even after I am long gone...coz how would I know that I am still living in other's mind. We are just a flesh and bones and sometimes it amazes me how we have something called "feelings" inside the crust. Something for me to wonder about .. but yes only when I got nothing to do.

What Classic Movie Are You?

Their lives are bigger than any big idea

2005-07-27T19:19:00.000+05:30

"Peace On Earth"
(U2 - "All That You Can't Leave Behind")
Heaven on Earth
We need it now
I'm sick of all of this
Hanging around

Sick of sorrow
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of hearing
Again and again
That there's gonna be
Peace on Earth

Where I grew up
There weren't many trees
Where there was we'd tear them down
And use them on our enemies

They say that what you mock
Will surely overtake you
And you become a monster
So the monster will not break you

And it's already gone too far
You said that if you go in hard
You won't get hurt

Jesus can you take the time
To throw a drowning man a line
Peace on Earth

Tell the ones who hear no sound
Whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on Earth

No who's or why's
No one cries like a mother cries
For peace on Earth

She never got to say goodbye
To see the color in his eyes
Now he's in the dirt
Peace on Earth

They're reading names out
Over the radio
All the folks the rest of us
Won't get to know

Sean and Julia
Gareth, Anne, and Breeda
Their lives are bigger than
Any big idea

Jesus can you take the time
To throw a drowning man a line
Peace on Earth

To tell the ones who hear no sound
Whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on Earth

Jesus in the song you wrote
The words are sticking in my throat
Peace on Earth

Hear it every Christmas time
But hope and history won't rhyme
So what's it worth

This peace on Earth
Peace on Earth
Peace on Earth
Peace on Earth

To all the wars gone down in history, to all atrocities that mankind has suffered, to all the pain that our ancestors underwent, to all the people today living who have survived the massacres. To our fellow human beings who dont seem to realize the agony of a war, a killing, a terrorist attack, a fight over small issues making them turn into rivalries big enough to affect millions. I cry out loud for "Peace on earth". Hope someday, they listen.

____________________

Worst 20 wars of 20th century with highest military death toll @ http://users.erols.com/mwhite28/war-list.htm

Worst 30 bloodlettings in the 20th century @ http://users.erols.com/mwhite28/atrox.htm

...but still will do it !

2005-07-26T17:43:00.000+05:30

Its 5:45 in the evening..Had come to office at around 11:00 in the morning..and now I would be leaving for the day. I am feeling a bit guilty about it ..that i did not spend the whole 8-9 hours (regular 9 to 6) in office but still cannot stop myself. I will do it. I cannot sit here for more.. for more mins/hours. I am bored and my legs have gone numb !!!

So, see you guys (talking to my computer and its accessories) around sometime tomorrow morning ..till then it would be a good-bye!
_____________________________________
Lets see what you people think about it - Someone asked me this question?? I did give an answer but would appreciate if I could get some inputs from you ppl too. The question is: "Why wouldn't an English wait on an Indian?". Lets see what you have in ur head :) . Cheers.

Feeling soooo sleepy right now

2005-07-22T16:20:00.000+05:30

Its 4:28 p.m. I am in my boring office. Got nothing to do. Just browsing through some dull, sick and selfish web-pages who dont give a thought about their readers and just spill out each and every information in the world that is there. The words on the page started to fade out and getting smaller and smaller. With one palm on my right chin to the side-temple, my eye-lids started surrendering to the strongest enemy of mine...SLEEP. The palm started sliding up through the side of my right ear to the hair and my head started falling down as if whole of my body was turned over and all the weight was there on it.

And with a shudder, I sit back straight again looking around if being seen by someone..okay..none..but I need a haircut. I badly need one...they are covering my eyes now. Hey.. wait...why am I thinking about a haircut now? Also the words on the computer screen that already was saying "Get the hell outta here, today is friday. I need some sleep too!", started looking bigger...and bigger.

Now, once again determined that one should NOT sleep in office...I shake my head thinking I wont fall into a nap again but man..its tough to keep yourself awake if you dont have anything interesting to do. Sleep could be compromised with nothing else in the world. If I gotta sleep, I have to.

Thanks to the boring lectures at my college (a few years back), I had learnt sleeping with my eyes open. But completely blank white since the eye-balls (or whatever) start to go up and then disappear as you get closer to complete unconsciousness. But who realizes that? Open-eyed-sleeping - I am a master at it...

I was thinking this while a lecture was going on and the topic was something related to trasportation engineering - Runway pavement's design. Damn planes ..why do they come in different versions...some with 3 wheels, some with 4 and some with more.. Cant they maintain some standard count? A problem being solved by the prof...tough/complex and not-at-all interesting and I was feeling too sleepy too (a combination u would always try to avoid !!! believe me). And then was I asked the toughest question of my life - "Abhishek, yes you behind ***(dont remember the name), how many wheels should we consider in this example?"..Interesting, felt like saying "I dont know! ..why should I know???" But beware..never mess up with profs..but am I supposed to know everything thats happening in the world?

Friends are always there to help you, they are the best things made by the Lord..and I had some good ones in my class too !!! I heard someone say "4" from behind and then, when I was just going to answer, I heard "8" or something..What do I do..what should I say..4 or 8???I was just having such a sound nice sleep behind one of the big fellows...and now this dilemma? I started analyzing the credibility of the voices and then answered "4, sir!"..The professor said "Please don't sleep in my class." He did not say anything else..and in a while I again went to the same world..the sleep world. I still wonder if it was really 4 or something else. I never found out and neither was I interested.

HTTP 404 Error

2005-07-19T16:32:00.000+05:30

Yes.. you internet users must be aware of this sleep-inducing error on the web that occurs if your destination page is not there or something bad happened to it. I was going through an article on C++ dynamic casts and there was a link to an article by Scott Meyers about how a cast to a void pointer can be used to determine if a particular object is on the heap. For non-programmers, please excuse me I cannot get rid of these ... I am trapped in this world and the more I try to get out of it .. the more I stumble deeper inside. And now, I guess, there is no way back and out. Now, I am stuck with it and I got to enjoy it... I am enjoying!

So, this error came up and the messages on the page were quite interesting! To start with there was a small poem that read:

"Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright.
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
And, somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout,
but there is no joy in Troy -- your page cannot be found."

I couldnt save a smile. Then there were these little comments explaining the things that might have caused this:

1. Someone missed a semi-colon.
2. The page simply disappeared.
3. Someone failed to destroy their dynamically-allocated memory.

I could not stop myself. And here is what they suggested to do:

1. Give up! Take this error as a sign to retire for the day and go play golf.
2. Search for the topic you are looking for in the upper right hand corner.
3. Deploy your time machine and go back to the page you were just at.
4. Make sure you typed the address correctly above.

Usually, errors cause a kind of irritation and sometimes, nausea, but this one had me laughing (though I could not find my desperately sought after article but who cares....I am going for a golf game instead !!!)

What did I do these days? I dont know..do you?

2005-07-17T13:27:00.000+05:30

I know its been long since I last posted on this blog but I have been always active. What did I do these days? I was studying real hard...making good programming fundae in C++...posting on Codeguru and out of these activities, there were 2 births that took place. Wait..relax..I am not a dad yet..I'm not married even. I started 2 new blogs named "Learning C++" and "Learning C#". Interested ones can try the links on the right frame of this page. Learning C++ has already got a start with a nice post on void pointers and the C# one is yet to open a relevant account.

Yesterday, I had a senior come to our place. He had to leave for Mumbai today, which he already might have, by now. He got all of his stuff sent early which led him here. Accompanied him was a friend of his, working at the same place as us but we had little acquaintance until yesterday. It was fun-filled time-pass for us.

These two were so excited to be at our place...Well, actually when they were coming up the lift they saw some young pretty women..and their heart stopped out of anxiety. They were crazy to come and settle down in our locality. Girls/women are really amazing things made by God. I just can't imagine what would have happened to us (boys/men) had they not been there on the planet.( ...and hey..I would even suggest you people not to!!! Beware. :D..well, some of you can..cheers to others! :D:D You know what I am talking about. Lets stop here.)

You people must be knowing this trick that most people do actually implement even, make a girl ur good friend (even a sister) and then get connected to her other pretty friends. And people could even start with that small little crazy game, that I cal, l girlfriend-boyfriend.

So this senior of ours had one female friend and he didnt look at her that way.. but obviously this thought of linkage to others was always there. For some time he did try managing the control over himself not to speak about it... but this crazy lil man couldnt stop forever..could he?

He asks this lady to get some girl from her circle meet him up sometime. I dont know what he actually said and how did he say and how did she react..but.. :D ... she must have taken it the wrong way and she stopped talking to him since then... Poor little man.. he lost the already small world he had and now the count of his female-friends dropped back to ZERO from 1. I think he must not have been happy with the score 1.

There are different kind of people all around us..all humorous in their own individual way and its great to explore that. The one thing that really amazes me is the way different people think differently on the same topic. Knowing and understanding people is one of the greatest challenges.. how they percieve..how they think..and how they react. And u sometimes extract fun out of things that you could never imagine happening...and if happened never would think over them twice...and if thought never would smile about them.

I started to think for a while

2005-07-08T14:07:00.000+05:30

Please do not consider this as some kind of criticism..not in any way! Its just that you guys said something that made me think and I wrote down whatever came in my mind at that moment. Please bare with me.

You : "I believe if is heaven or hell it's on this earth itself. We pay the cost of every deed on the earth itself."
Me : "Your beliefs are yours..sometimes based on reasons and sometimes not. I am no one to question them but for sure, healthy discussions help re-define/refine them sometimes. I dont believe on this thought because there are instances that I have seen around me where the most deserving gets nothing or if something, then much less than someone much less deserving and you cannot deny this. Again, this is my belief."

You : "As far as trying to achieve that perfection of leading a life, it's ironical. Everyone is living the life for the first time - so there are no definite rules that can be followed."
Me : "Yes ..true again..everyone is living his/her life for the first time but we learn from our past. We learn from our ancestors/elders. There are many things which you are simply fed with and you take them as they are without questions because they are based on someone else's experiences. That is how life goes on. There is an Object Oriented Programming concept - Inheritance. You inherit thoughts, you inherit beliefs and many other things from your elder generation. You derive from them, don't you? If you try inventing the wheel again, it would again take you hundreds of years to run cycle by yourself."

You : "You gain a point due to a strategy andyou may end up thinking it is a win-win strategy. When that very strategy fails in some other situation or for some other person, you start doubting itscredibitly. That's what keeps one busy in playing the game."
Me : "Life is far beyong the concept of winning and losing. Its much more than just a game. Life is about thoughts, life is about people ..life is a journey..(Again, this is just my point of view..you may agree..you may not! No issues!) People just need to broaden up their perspective. As far as defining a win-win strategy is concerned, I can firmly and confidently say that there exists none! There are always some risks with our plans and we simply try minimizing it but remember we can never get the risk factor down to zero. It will always remain. "

You : "It is said that heaven is a place where all ur dreams will be fulfilled."
Me : "I disagree. Instead, I would say ..heaven is a place where you don't have any dreams! Its a place of supreme happiness... where no other emotions exist. Its silence. Its timelessness. Its selflessness. Its the best thought that can ever originate out of a human mind."

You : "Is it a bribe to secure a place in heaven (bcoz, playing with apsaras is justified in heaven but u have to look at every other individual in earth with respect)"
Me : "Bribe? To whom? In my opinion, heaven is a thought, a standard that we have set for ourselves to reach out for. So that every action of ours is justified on some defined basis. Again this basis can different for different sects of people but the underlying thought remains the same - supreme happiness, silence, timelessness, selflessness! Apsaras? I don't know if I can go that much in detail but one thing is for sure..they are just interpretations...interpretations of supreme happiness. They are not just women (as you might be thinking), they are thoughts and even if they were you won't be running and disrespecting each one of them just because you had to respect every other person on earth. I won't need any kind of pay-back for the reason that I am respecting people on this planet. Would you? Again, its my belief, my interpretation - sometimes based on reasons and logic and sometimes not!"

You : "those who can understand can easily see through this farce and will be able to realise tat they will be able to make their living on the earth to be heavenly if everybdy lives in the manner following the norms"
Me : "True (except for the usage of farce..if we are able to see through, understand we won't find anything farce but it would just reveal the true deeper meaning hidden behind these concepts/thoughts.) and I guess this is what demarcates the line between a better human and a not-so-better human."
_____________________
A ship in port is safe but that's not what ships are made for.

Try and we shall achieve

2005-07-07T16:01:00.000+05:30

What is heaven? Why is it so much sought for? Why do people refer to it the way they do? Does it even exist? Or is just a hypothetical thought that we say we always try to reach to but never get any closer?

We say, we constantly try to get things done the right way; we constantly try to get the things better so that we have all the luxuries, are able to get everything well-placed. We teach people so that they could improve their lives in all possible ways. We learn for the same reason. We do so much with our lives, on and on, so that the world around us becomes a place worth living the rest of our lives, for our next generations. We say, we are always trying.

We have created (or rather crafted) so many things around us (economy, politics, religion, education, science) ..just to bring orderliness in everything but the entropy always seems to increase with a greater rate. Are we even close to the concept?
Heaven they say:
1. is a place of complete bliss, delight and peace.
2. the abode of the God and the angels, is an eternal life with God.
3. is a symbol of the dimension between the material plane and the Celestial Realms.
4. the atmosphere surrounding earth, the sky, the space including our solar system and observable stars and galaxies.
5. is the state of supreme and definitive happiness, the goal of the deepest longings of humanity.

We say, we are trying. Is it that tough to get to it? No..I personally don't think so coz if we really are trying, nothing could be that far out of reach of a human. That's my belief and I stand to it.

People fighting over religion, region, caste, creed, race, and many more similar silly issues. Is that we call our effort to have a better life? Are we even educated? Do we call this education.. which doesnt seem to give us a rational and flexible thinking, undertanding?

Try and we shall achieve - is what I say!________________________________________
Money can't buy happiness; but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Money can't buy love; but it can rent a very close imitation.

Stop me if you can

2005-07-05T15:57:00.000+05:30

Just a quick note! Just sharing a nice pic of Nayab... who tried a lot stopping Vivid from taking his snap. We were having the usual Chai-sutta (tea,cig) at this dhaba near-by our office. :D. Vivid said - "Rok sako to rok lo!!!" before the snap.

Something about being funny

2005-07-02T11:56:00.000+05:30

Last night, around 11:00 p.m. Nayab(referred to many times in my various posts), Ashish (another friend) and me were sipping tea after our dinner. Nayab had made it. It was nice! (or atleast I have to call it nice otherwise will have to make it myself in future..:D). I dont know what we were gossiping about but suddenly Nayab asks Ashish to get married and he would be taking care of all the expenses of the marriage and onwards...We laughed...but I dont know what was going on in Ashish's mind. He said:
"Yes, it would be good for you too. You would get some young kids to call you Nayab uncle..Nayab uncle. They would play with you and pee on your legs!":D...He said that with a decent smile...I somehow got the feeling that he might have travelled in time and would have started visualizing it. But then Nayab and me ..started laughing like anything ..and he was perplexed. Obviously he did not find it that funny but there was something in our heads that made us laugh that hard. He needed an explanation and yes...yes me...I stepped forward. "Pee on his legs! What would your kids be like? Puppies??? :D :D". I just hoped and wished Ashish didn't feel bad about it. He must not have.

The other day..we 4 .. KT (a colleague), Nayab, Vivid and me were out for a samosa break, i guess. Samosa were still in the process of being prepared to be eatable. KT had some work, i guess, and so was in a hurry. He says : "Guyz, I need to go fast. Got to have a delivery." He was serious and then I looked at Nayab..Vividos also looked at him..and we shared some quick eye responses. And we started laughing like crazy. KT didn't understand what happened ..he started looking this way and that if he could find anything that funny. I guess he also need some explanation...and yes...yes me...I stepped forward. "Delivery! What are you? A pregnant woman??? :D :D". He joined us too!!!

Isnt it just interesting how we can frame fun out of such simple things? Yes..it is ..and its always good to find them with your friends.
_____________________________________
The one were Joey wants to be 16 and he goes "SO I SEE U R PLAYIN THE PLAYSTATION....THATS wak, THE PLAYSTATION IS wak.....Sup? SUP WID THE wak PLAYSTATION, SUP??" :D

Issues anyone???

2005-07-01T14:12:00.000+05:30

There are always some confusions/contradictions among 2 people. Some may judge one, right and the other, wrong and some the other way round. When the decision making depends on such 2 or individuals and appreciable results dont come out people start blaming each other. This happens everywhere...inside your family..among ur friends..in your office.. in the playground..movie theatre (yeah! i blame my friends when they take me to movies like lucky and bunty-bubbly and tango charlie).

Ok..ok..so lets get serious again...As for the blame part... I would say "no one" is to be.. coz everyone does what he/she feels is right. Its the environment in which we are brought up .. in which we live.. which shapes our thinking.. our broadness in perspective... our actions... our deeds.. our behaviour .. it depends a lot. For example, parents always have some reason or the other to justify their actions/thoughts... and they are right from their point of view.. we have our own and we can justify them as well !

The things seem so simple but they are matters of such grave importance to us.. What really is required is a flexibility in our thought process. Now this requires receptiveness and candidness. You should be able to understand what other's are talking about .. and others should know the reasons/logic behind ur words.

I would even go the extent of saying that "Yes..'flexibility' and 'understanding' can solve 'every' problem that exists in the world today".... I know ..some may agree and some may not ... but i guess this is what forms the basis of human communication. Does it not?
________________________________
"Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them" - Albert Einstein.

No Title !

2005-06-30T11:25:00.000+05:30

This is an incidence that happened a few weeks back. Fa, Guru and me were out for a movie. To be specific, to watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith. We went to the DT Megamall ..no tickets :(. Then we drove fast to the DT City center (we hate cinemas at the Metro mall, the seats are quite uncomfortable). No tickets there too but we had to see a movie. A couple nearby (with their kid) had some extra tickets (dont know the reason) and Fa and Guru decided to take them. I did not want to sit for a hindi movie spending quite a few bucks for the shit they show.

But we went ahead with the Parineeta tickets and with kind of low expectation that I went in, it had to surpass it. A good one indeed except for the last 10 minutes or so in which the wall-breaking sequence totally screws up the whole essence. But overall, the movie was very good. They dont make these too many. I loved the music so much .. man ... it was too good. The lyrics was really nice too!
Here's a small part of one of the songs..I in fact loved all of them..a lot..really a lot. They had something to do with feelings from the heart.

hoth tere mai ke pyaale, kajrare naina tere
maathe par sinduri subaha, julfho main raina base
saansein yeh teri hain, dhadkan bhi teri hain, jeevan yeh tera hua
tere hi choone se, tan man saja mera, hui main parineeta

One more ...one more :)
Dharti sajji ambar sajja jaise koi sapna
Isme ho ghar o humsafar tera mera apna
Suna tere bina khwabon ka yeh makaam
Aa bhi jao, aao na

If you haven't seen it yet and you like watching movies..go for it. Its different. Cheers.
_______________________________
Words make you think a thought.
Music makes you feel a feeling.
A song makes you feel a thought.

Between Insects and Insects !

2005-06-27T21:36:00.000+05:30

Thanks to the showers that we recieved yesterday and the day before. It was getting very hot and humid. I remember .. Nayab and me were out shopping and we sweated like pigs wherever we stood for just 5 seconds.

So finally the much needed showers were here in Noida and the weather is really cool. But with the rain came along those stupid, ugly and restless insects. I dont know why do they even exist. They are so stupid .. they dont even know where to sit and what to sting. They just follow light. I pity them. Last night ...I was deep asleep. And in my sleep I had quite an encounter with the most retarded ones. I was unconscious so didnt know what exactly happened but it must have had been hell of a struggle. I finally might have had been successful and would have killed them but those shitty things stung me at quite a few places.

I knew only when I woke in the morning and stood infront of a mirror to shave. I had been wounded on my nose, 2 places!. It was red and when I noticed it, I discovered some new pain too. Red swelling on the bottom left and top left of my nose ! And one on the back of my neck. I hate them ..I hate those insects..and they dont even seem to stop coming during and after the rains. Will soon need to find some solution out of this else I know I am gonna end up all wounded.

Guys!!! Beware!!! ...and take care !

The way they think

2005-06-22T14:24:00.000+05:30

"What are the various challenges before a woman and a man in a married life.." This is a question, the answer to which still is not known to me. (This is in relation to our Indian society.)

Recently I got some views from a married woman, a chat friend. I would summarize that conversation in short.

From a woman's perspective:
1. She needs to follow everything as it goes in the guy's family even if thats wrong or she does not like it.
2. Responsibilities.
3. Freedom gets restricted.
4. Everything changes - the guy if a boy-friend previously changes completely when he becomes a husband. She has to change as he wishes.

From a man's perspective:
1. Having a right balance of expectations from his woman (regarding everything).
2. Responsibilities.
3. Freedom gets restricted.

Now the 4th point (women's perspective) looked most interesting to me. They (women)have deviced a term - MCP - which is highly used in such scenarios. Well, I think women tend to increase their expectations a lot after marriage. And to such an extent that they can never be met and the outcome of this is the tagging of men as MCPs. I have never heard of women bein tagged as FCPs - have you ? I dont think so.

Well..spare me ..I dont want to get into the details...I would leave this discussion open-ended coz I feel that these are highly sensitive topics of discussion and depend a lot on individuals. They cannot be generalized.

To conclude - a few of the comments/questions/complaints from a woman's perspective:
- Our culture expects women to change and guys get away with 100 murders. [Wow!! I never murdered anyone..and if this thing were true..human beings would have seized to exist on this planet!!!]
- Women are supposed to get up early n cook for lunch, make breakfast and dinner.[Aren't they the experts of this domain :)?]
- Men can help them with stuff mentioned above but if they dont, its perfectly acceptable. [Hey, do you want to get everything messed up or what?]
- Women do karwa chauth and husbands dont? [I support this one..it should be the other way round :))]
- Women have to wear sindoor and let the world know that they are married but men dont have to show that!!! [I guess their faces do tell people about their marital status. Don't they :D]
- If men have an affair ..that ok, he's man so forgive him and if women??? she has no charcter. [Silence]

The Puncture

2005-06-20T18:14:00.000+05:30

I was really tired of the Gurgaon-Noida trips for the past 3-4 weeks (or may be more). Weekends were being spent in Gurgaon and the working days in Noida. And the ride is quite boring as well as tiring due to the immense traffic in Delhi.

The traffic used to be the reason why I preferred the ride late in the night around 10:00 p.m. or even later. Less traffic, less dust + smoke, less...aahhh..forget it ..I preffered the nights. But not anymore ! Why .. yes thats gonna be interesting.

During one of such "tours" (hehehe) I was on my bike going on some 70 kmph on the Mehrauli-Gurgaon road. I was somewhere near Ghitorni (a place full of farm houses). It was about 11:00 p.m. Qualis', Sumos, etc zooming ahead. And suddenly I felt I have lost the balance on my bike. The handles started shaking and it was tough to control the motion. I knew I had a flat tyre. Safely got the bike on the leftmost lane and stopped down the bitumen pavement.

Couldnt see no one. There was a big gate inside which i could find a security guard who assured me that there was a repair shop at some 5 min walking distance. Dragged the bike ..dragged it ..dragged it.. sweating. I could see no repair shop..5 mins passed..10 mins...finally after about 15 mins..with my throat completely dry I found one with a board with a phone number on it. Called and asked for the repair, and also for a bottle of water ! I badly needed that too! It was around 12:00 p.m. It was scary with some drunk people at some distance.

The guy came in about 20-30 mins with the life-line. Now some crazy thoughts started creeping in my mind. What if this water had some kinda poison or sleeping pills. Dont know what would happen then but for sure I would be robbed. But nothing happened like that but the guy screwed the tube and I had to get a new one.

Finally I started from there and ran fast to my destination. I thanked God that I was safe that night!

Human Memory

2005-06-16T16:32:00.000+05:30

I was just sitting bored and feeling sleepy in my office until this sudden thought creeped into my mind about memories. I guess it had something to do with the malloc and new that I had been reading and writing today about on www.codeguru.com.

Now since the thought had creeped in I had to find some info. And what better could there be other than googling. Typed in "human memory" and got 24,500,000 results !!! Sometimes I wonder why does google return so many results that you can never go through? I dont think people usually go to even the next result page. This would form the topic of another long discussion so its better to leave it at this point for now.

So here we go with something that I gathered, found informative and interesting too!

Human memory is generally categorized into 3 types - Sensory memory, Short-term memory and long-term memory.

Sensory memory - It acts as a buffer for stimuli received through the senses. It exists for each sensory channel: iconic memory for visual stimuli, echoic memory for aural stimuli and haptic memory for touch. Information is passed from sensory memory into short-term memory by attention, thereby filtering the stimuli to only those which are of interest at a given time.

Short-term memory - It acts as a scratch-pad for temporary recall of the information under process. For instance, in order to understand this sentence you need to hold in your mind the beginning of the sentence as you read the rest. It decays rapidly (200 ms) and also had a limited capacity. Chunking of information can lead to an increase in the capacity. This is the reason why a hyphenated phone number is easier to rememeber than a single long number. The successful formation of a chunk is known as closure. Interference often causes disturbance in short-term memory retention. This accounts for the desire to complete the tasks held in short term memory as soon as possible.

Long-term memory - It is intended for storage of information over a long time. Information from the working memory is transferred to it after a few seconds. Unlike in working memory, there is little decay.

See pics below for a diagrammatic view. This is how the data flows:

And this is the Long-term memory sub-divided:

You may find many similarities between all the memory related activities that we do while programming and in real life scenarios.

What Pulp Fiction Character Are You???

2005-06-16T15:14:00.000+05:30

Found the link to "What Pulp Fiction Character Are You?" quiz on The Outlaw Torn's blog. And this what I got:

Your inner child screams for cartoons and sugary cereals, but your adult tastes love the buzz of quality mind altering substances. Sooner or later, you're going to have to grow up, at least a bit.

Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

Had seen the movie long back and now am planning to see it again since I vaguely remember it. Then I think I would be able to say anything related to the quiz if its true and to what extent.

Interested people could get the script of the movie @ http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/ pulp.shtml

Apologies for the Gap

2005-06-08T11:14:00.000+05:30

Yeah I know its been more than a week since my last update. Apologies for that. Didn't and even don't have much of free time but still tried managing it so that you people could be assured that yes I am alive, I am breathing.

I left my last employer on the 31st May and have joined my 3rd company on the 6th of June. 3 companies in not even 2 full years. Its a bit unsettling and I am fed up of job hopping and lets see how this one goes. I am very hopeful of a great and stable time over here though. Will talk about such possibilities in some later post.
Its been very hectic for me with most of my stuff lying in Gurgaon and rest in Noida at a friend's place (Nayab). We have finalized a rented flat in Noida but some finishing work is still going on over there so I am not sure if I would be able to shift here fully this weekend. With my dad coming from my home to visit me, I am in a dilemma about where to have him stay. If the shifting happens smoothly by Saturday, Noida is going to be the place where I am gonna ask him to stay or else my previous den..and that would be Suncity.

These past 2-3 days have been really boring for me. During the work-hours i dont feel much coz here there is everything to keep me busy. But when i go back to the place of my stay I feel a bit lost. Lost in thoughts of my den, my royal castle at Suncity where I lived with my dear friends Faa, Affu and Raka. I miss them. I miss Gurgaon.

There's a strange but true emotional anguish that fits quite well in such scenario. Here it goes- There are several parts of one's life. (I am not sure about other people's but obv. me) One thats there at your hometown where your parents, bro's and sis' are. One where your love is..One where your friends are... (am including all the friends so it mathematically is greater than one but just for the sake of being concise..)..and may be others. And you feel .. u wish... that all of them were at the same place. You wish they were all together with you ..so that you could reach for them whenever you wished and that too in a very short time. This feeling grows more strongly within me when I feel lost .. the way I am feeling now.

I just hope this is going to be a temporary state of mind since I have very good friends over here too and I am sure I would be making some more in a matter of few days or may be weeks but for sure.. yes I would be. And then life would become enjoyable the same way as it was before. But that wish would always stay there in my heart and mind as a global static constant of my life. I would really love to see those parts getting together one day ! and then would be the happiest days of my life. Its seems kind of impossible but "Hope is a very good thing my friend." (Tim Robbins - The Shawshank Redemption, 1994) and I shall keep it alive. I expect this wish of mine to be fulfilled one day.. if not fully then atleast as close to it as possible.

Hope everyone is having fun and enjoying life to the fullest. All the best. Cheers !

Patience - its tough to keep !

2005-05-27T12:39:00.000+05:30

Distress happens when certain things are not going the way they should... the way you want them to. Sometimes they will when you want them to, sometimes a bit later and sometimes never. "When?" is a very difficult question to answer in such scenarios. Not many do have predictions or explanations for this and it is justified. Sometimes its better to leave things go as they are and this phenomenon is called "being patient".

The word "patience" comes from the Latin word for suffering. Gandhiji pointed to the same truth when he said, "...patience is self-suffering." And when you think about it you will get to the depth his saying.

Take an analogy - We call people who are sick and are getting treatment somewhere as "patients"..dont we? To be a patient is to suffer. A large part of a patient's suffering is having to be patient and wait for health to be restored. Sometimes it takes a long time. Sometimes it is easy to despair of healing ever coming.

There are many things that we want to happen in our lives..or other's lives or, in a bigger scenario, in this world, all of a sudden. We dont wish to wait. These needs/wants vary from person to person. Some want quick success and recognition in their jobs while some want quick money. It's truely never ending. Success, recognition, money, happiness, respect, health, friends, life-partners, social status, influence, power, fame and knowledge (the list goes on). Some of them you can achieve and some u cant. (I am not under-estimating anyone's potential tho').
The duration that is defined as the time between identification of such a want/need and the actual achievement is what truely tests a person. You may buckle or you may get stronger and more motivated. You may lose out or you may act more judiciously and accurately. But in any of the cases, you will have to suffer a pain .. a pain of wait. Some lazy bozo does interpret it differently tho' and can think sitting down and watching. This wait and watch policy is justified and even leads to results in some cases but not always (in fact rarely).

One biggest advantage of being patient that I have experienced is in controlling anger. It works..it really works ... when u are furious..then before doing anything just hold on, wait for say 5-10 minutes, think. I tell u , u wont regret this wait but might have, had u done anything on the impulse.

Something for me to think about - "Patience produces character !"

Its noon and I am feeling sleepy

2005-05-26T13:35:00.000+05:30

Yeah..Thats right. I am feeling sleepy .. very sleepy... eye shutters trying their best to run down and put a "CLOSED" sign-board. Why? coz I was awake till 3:30 a.m. last night. Why? You know I love soccer ! and that too the UEFA Champions League FINAL.. I couldnt have had missed it. My friend "FA" as we call him and me were 2 guys awake to watch the challenge.

AC Milan vs Liverpool at Istanbul. Who did I support .. obviously had to be the team which had my one of the favourites and thats Steven Gerrard. What a fantastic leader he is! But Fa was with Milan. So there was a fight going on in Istanbul and there was another going on in D21-suncity, Gurgaon!

We watched all the stuff - from the pre-match talks and predictions to the final match analysis and the celebrations...

The first half started and I was hoping this was going to be a low-scoring game with both teams defensively in good form throught this competition. I wanted "the Reds" to get an early goal .. coz I remebered their match against Chelsea.. how well they defended after having got that early (controversial) goal. But just a minute had passed and I got shocked - Milan had scored thru a strike by Maldini. I felt as is the team I was supported were gonna lose really coz their striking options were even not that good to get 2 goals ... and then after a few minutes of play Milan scored twice thru Crespo in 39' and 44'. Liverpool were down by 3 goals at the end of first half and they were not looking good enough to make a come-back, while Milan were rocking... they were outstanding .. much better than their form that caused the exit of Man Utd my favourite. Fa was delighted and i was feeling jealous of him ! His comments and claps were pinching thru my heart, my mind and my soul.

There was no hope of recovery...but liverpool were a totally different team in the second half..fighting to gain possession.. keeping the ball.. making moves..passing accurately..they looked in tempo ! and here came what would go in my books as the most outstanding soccer match.. It was a delight...Reds levelled within 6 minutes thru strikes from their captain, Smicer and a missed yet converted penalty by Xavi Alonso. Now the scenario was different at both places. The battle went into the extra time...with no success for either teams .. Dudek tho' making an outstanding double save on Shevchenko.

It was time for penalties and it was a day for the reds.. they won 3-2..with shevchenko (considered one of the greatest poachers) even denied. Fa had feel asleep somewhere during the second half. May be he knew abt the result.
Reds rejoiced..they were ecstatic...they might not even have been able to realize that they had won.. Outstanding match... I was satisfied ... I felt my losing sleep late night was not in vain.. it was exciting. Much of the excitement and thrill just because the team I supported won .. and since I had a rival in the same room.. I felt victorious. The game for sure had been historic but I was relieved that need of switching sides dint come. I knew this was going into my blog. And here it is...!!! No more sleepiness,drowsiness anymore!...Back to work!

Relationships - a case study

2005-05-25T20:23:00.000+05:30

Relationships, a very very complex thing that a human lives with. Still they so very much needed that life seems nothing without them.

I am gonna talk about a true story. Have seen this happen quite often around me. This one invloves 3 objects. Sometimes extends to even 4. But for now just take the case of 3.

So the scenario is like this - the 3 components are:
1. a guy
2. the guy's other half (i am talking in future in which this doesnt seem to be a thing thats going to happen but lets say "the other half" (TOH) for now)
3. the TOH's parents (this ccould be the guy's parents or sometimes - both)

Relationships between a guy and a gal is sometimes so hard to carry on, sometimes very easy. Effort from both sides are very much needed to keep it alive...keep it enjoyable. So this guy meets this TOH sometime during his college days... they get along fine.. no problems.. they love being with each other so much .. and u know ...at this stage they can't even imagine life without one of them not being in the other's. So much of mutual dependencies...so much of liking.. so much in common.. they think they are made for each other..BUT... I told ya - there are complexities...!!!

Here pass those golden college days and distance separates them... but they promise to keep their promises. Time passes and now its time to disclose their relationship to their parents so that their joint venture could go ahead in future bonded by "marriage".

Upon the disclosure:

Parents : "We would enquire about the guy, his family, status and his job profile."
TOH explains them the whole scenario. And now the TOH's parents had issues with it.......

Issues - 1st : inter-caste. 2nd : financial status of the guy's family and his job profile. Well... I guess they could compromise with the 1st issue but the 2nd (tho' they dint show this). Parents were adamant and she prepared herself for the compromise. I guess not because she was weak and couldn't standup with her priorities but because she dint want to! And the Guy????? He had to live with it.

Hearts broken .. nights kept eyes wet. dreams were lost.. and they knew they couldnt make it right.

Questions arise - Why did this happen? Did they really want each other? Why couldnt their parents understand them? Why couldnt they agree? Who is truely to be blamed...the guy/gal/parents??? Why dint she stand up for her cause? Did she even try? What about the intensity of their relationship? What about the guy? Many more do arise ! These are tough questions .. u know .. and the answers are even tougher to find! You have to be one of them or u have to be a mind-reader.

If you wish to go anywhere in India on a short notice..u cant... and it sucks !!!

2005-05-24T11:44:00.000+05:30

Monday - 16th May, 2K5 -
Got a call from home. Had to attend a marriage - of a close relative. Got the tickets. Dint get confirmed reservations (in train). But was hopeful it would by the date of journey(Saturday - 21st May, 2K5 - morning 4:45 p.m.)

Tuesday - 17th May, 2K5 -
Applied for leaves with my current employer. Was not hopeful of getting the leaves I had asked for. BUT...i got 'em. No problems here.

Wednesday - 18th May, 2K5 - .....
Thursday - 19th May, 2K5 - ....

Friday - 20th May, 2K5 -
.... so the work hours ended at 8:30 p.m. Left for J.N.U. where my elder brother had the tickets and he had assured (and I was convinced) that my tickets would get confirmed coz he had some links thru his collegemates to the Railways ministry or something. Reached JNU at 11:00 p.m. Knew it was going to be a night-out since the train was early morning (4:45 a.m.) and i could not afford a sleep or else would, for sure, miss the train. Roamed around in the JNU campus for an hour, may be two. Watched nice couples, smart and good-looking gals. Nice, pleasant and cool atmosphere. I liked it :).

Saturday - 21st May, 2K5 -
At 0330 left for the ND station on an auto-rickshaw - reached there at 0405 hrs. Enquired abt the platform on which my train would be arriving. Went there. And now my anxiety was exponentially reaching its heights. People flooded platform. I started wondering - "What if I didnt get my tickets confirmed???"

Some guy came. Pasted the chart on a board. I looked into it. Oh no !!!! Just 15 of the waitlisted people got confirmations !!! I cannot go now. I cannot, with a night-out and then after 22 hours on trains without reservations and then after travel during the marriage. I would be killing myself if I went. Looked at the chart again. Hoping - "may be somewhere my name would be there !" But instead noticed that it was just for some other class. Relieved. Hope was still alive... removed the sweat on my forehead with my left hand going across into the hair. Looked for charts for my class tickets. And there they were on another board. "Bad luck dude ! U could only make it to a Waitlist number - 8."

I wanted so very much to go home. It was going to be a great time for me. All my relatives would be there and since I had not met 'em for so long. They would be thrilled to see me and I would be happy to see them too! I had planned so much for it. Had bought new clothes for myself. Presents as well ! and Now I wont be able to make it ??!! What the Hell !

All my dreams seemed to be shattered! Where did it all go wrong? Why did I believe in those guys who had promised to get the confirmation. (I did not have any other alternatives even!)

Anyways, I thought - let the train come. I will talk to the TTE and may be slipping him a 100 bucks or so would get me the berths. Its India ... u know ... this happens and if it does .. everyone does ... then why would I hesitate in slipping in that amount to get relaxed tension free, pain free journey?

Finally the train arrived at 0415 hrs and its departure was scheduled at 0445 hrs. I was sitting on a bench waiting for it, saw it pass by .. thought - "Wait !!! I got time to decide what to do. No hurries ! "

U know about the flood on the platform that i had talked about earlier ... :) .. it was for this one, this train only :)) . Now the "50-50" chances of me getting aboard were reduced by 20% or so. The flood was finding its way through the doors of the coaches. I was still sitting on the same bench and seeing all this. How my dreams of having fun at the marriage were being trampled by this stampede. My eyes were still hopeful but as time passed. The coaches seemed getting fuller and fuller, as if one or two would be squeezed out of the windows. I started looking for the TT.. I found one ..went to him ...and asked about the various possibilities trying to make him realize my urgency. He said "Bro - people are offering 500 bucks for berths but I aint got nothing." Now, I knew I could not go ! I wont go !

One or two minutes before the departure, I hung my bag at my back and with heavy feet started moving out. I could see the train of my dreams betray me. It was disgusting. I was frustrated, helpless. My anger knew no limits.

Hired an auto back to JNU. Reached there at 0600 hrs. Saw my bro waiting for me outside. My anger had cooled down and my mind had started to find out other possibilities to make it to the ceremony.

We started to look for options as the Hope was still alive. (I hate myself when this happens ... my hope doesnt seem to die out easily... its DIE-HARD ! and usually causes me a lot of trouble.) We went to the computer lab to see if i could find out some other alternatives.Even enquired for flights if they were available. But they werent. And then finally the "die hard" died out. Picked my baggage and left JNU for Gurgaon.

I was tired. I was exhauted. My legs were aching. It seem suddenly i had gained some pounds. I needed sleep. Made a call, told parents that I couldnt make it.

I had to keep myself engaged else I would be killing myself for this incident. Went to a shop nearby .. bought movie VCDs - Witness, Sense and Sensibility, The Waterboy, Mean Girls and Die Hard. Watched them all in one sitting to keep myself engaged. Had dinner and slept ..slept till noon, the next day.

Lesson for me - Plan your journey well ahead, get tickets for other alternative as well and at the same time (cancel them as per their final status) and MOST IMPORTANTLY - "DO NOT BELIEVE IN CONTACTS AND LINKS TO GET TICKETS CONFIRMED".

Talking of soccer....

2005-05-17T16:14:00.000+05:30

Talking of soccer I remember a great match that we had played in our school-days. It is worth sharing.

We were in the 8th standard. We were in the finals of our school soccer competition. I'll be true to you .. we were the underdogs. I don't know how we managed to reach the final but now that we had, we had one goal .. WIN it. We started off well .. with me in the role of a CF..but the positions really didnt matter .. u know .. we were all over the place ... we were wherever the ball was, and this was the fun part, really !!!

We were down by one goal in the first half. We had to create one for ourselves or we would lose !
So we all decided to go forward and a little before the end of the 90 mins we were all near the opposite side's goal post... 10 of us .. may be our goalie was also there .. and then there were our biggest enemies around too !

Everyone was trying hard to kick the ball ..pushing..pulling each other... no one really caring where it would go .. the prime motive was kicking (I must have got a few blows for sure) . The balls motion could easily be described as the Brownian motion and ours was not any different.

In that crowd we lost the site of the ball and suddenly we heard the whistle. We thought that Time had betrayed us.. we had lost ! .. we were beaten.. we had missed the one single chance in life to show our heroics... the world had ended... we needed a few more minutes.. But NO ..the whistle was for a GOAL !!! We had scored...it was the most emphatic moment of our lives ! Here came a confusion...No one knew who was to go on the scorecard... 4 of us ran to the referee claiming the score.. why would I sit back! Our refree sir was totally confused and we shouting our throats out at him...his then turned to the linesman ..another PT teacher of ours... and after the longest discussion which must have ended a minute...the goal was declared as an own goal !!! ... wow ..that might have happened.. that was possibility and we let the decision go .. coz what mattered for us was there ... the much needed goal...We were 1-1 at the final whistle.. No extra time rules then ... It had to be penalty shoot-outs...and The Almighty didnt want us to win.

We lost the match ... we were not feeling that disgusted (coz we had a great match) but we couldnt see the oppenents lift the trophy... by that time each of our team members had left the ground ... we sat in a small dhaba and had a long discussion about how and what should we have done.. what went wrong.. how the other team had better luck and not quality (yes, at that time we could justify anything)

Anyways, now when i remember that it makes me smile...We had fun in our school-life..i guess everyone does in some way or the other. Time flies by but these memories remain ! They tell that we have had been alive all these times !

The Season ends ! And the long Wait starts.

2005-05-17T12:45:00.000+05:30

I love football ... i love the EPL... I am a die-hard man utd fan. And now since all have played 38 games .. the season ends and the weekends won't be much fun.

After 5 days of monotonous work ... I would need something that could get my nerve cells active again. Make my hormonal activities reach their peak. And the weekend soccer telecasts served this purpose.

Reaching home on friday evening, I would desperately look forward to the kick offs and then sit infront of the so-called idiot box to watch 'em..starting from the pre-match discussions and previews till the "Final Score". I am also used to voting for the Nokia man of the match. I wished I could win once.

Its a treat watching guys roll the ball esp. Giggs, Ronaldo, Rooney, Ruud, Scholes, Rio, Robben, Henry, Becks, Figo, Zidane, Lampard, Terry, Gerrard,... the list seems too long. They are brilliant with their skills and I am sure that I am not the first one saying this.

What I like the most are those post-match remarks made by the managers - their interview sessions ..especially Jose Mourinho's. He makes me laugh... the innocence, truth, confidence and sarcasm in his words are amazing... You could find some of 'em at http://www.saidwhat.co.uk/quotes/j/jose_mourinho_3967.php One is worth mentioning- "If Roman Abramovich helped me out in training we would be bottom of the league and if I had to work in his world of big business, we would be bankrupt!"

As for Man Utd they have frustrated me this season with some disappointing performances. But they yet have one last chance to win a silverware this season, the FA Cup. And the final could have been no better than an Arsenal vs Man U contest. I wish they get their team-work in place and win the game. Man U rulzzz ! :))

Life is Saturday Night !!!

2005-05-16T15:58:00.000+05:30

Yes ..yes...yes.. I know . This is a lot of deviation from what i have been talking abt.
But really .. today's fast, running life has left us with no options that to exploit those small moments that we get. Exploit to extract fun..refreshments.
Saturday nites tell u how well one is enjoying his/her life in such a scenario. I have my own ways .... i want to be relaxed... watch tv...listen to the music i love..and especially the long hours of sleep.
This saturday was a bit different for me ever since I getting out of college ... in fact at Noida we used to have such nights more frequently that at Gurgaon.. We had a small get-together of friends living nearby at my place.. We were 10 of us ... all needing a break ! all needing to simply waste time ! all needing to enjoy .. ! and we did !!
We had the whole thing organized at our place .. slept in the afternoon. ..suddenly woke up for a moment and saw the clock somewhere around 7:00p.m...i thought we werent going to make it... but we did ! woke up in a hurry .. got friends - faa, rakesh and appu to get on their feet and look out for the arrangements... man ! its tough to get them going...
We were ready to rock by 9:00 with everything arranged .. all went well except for the fact that the vegetarians were screwed as their food wasnt delivered... Yes.. a sad story.. me being a pure veg .. anyways ... got along .. had something in back-up and so not much of a trouble.
It went all night... and the next morning we were tired...really tired .. and that told me that yes we had enjoyed !!!

Isolation is like an oxygen mask to me !

2005-05-13T16:03:00.000+05:30

There are times when u r bored with life... u get agitated by what ppl say .. u dont like seeing anyone .. u dont like talking to anyone.. u dont like interacting .. u dont like going out ... the whole world seems a busy pig street !

U feel irritated .. nothing seems to satisfy ur senses .. nothing seems to entertain u .. nothing motivates u .. nothing causes relief... u dont find any solution to this state of urs.. nothing seems to touch u .. u want to be alone .. u want to think!!!

This happens ..and u cannot deny .. this happens to me .. and i cannot deny ..

As I said, in such a scenario, ISOLATION is like an oxygen mask to me .. to save me from choking ... to save my inner self from dying . The one room .. i live in... i sleep in is the only place i want to be in.

Why do I worry abt things? Why do I care abt ppl? Why do I care abt feelings ..why do i care abt interacting ..why do i care abt socializing ? When such questions start to take the memory bits in my mind I just wanna be alone ! Alone in my room .. lying on my bed.. thinking abt myself...my purpose in life.. thinking abt the things i have done/accomplished this far .. how close have they brought me towards my goals... were they meaningless or were they worth?

U must have gone through the NCERT books during ur courses at school .. U must have noticed the Talisman that i there on the first pages...thats the talisman by Gandhiji...I know .. I noticed it..At that time I was may be too young to justify the words written there but today I understand it better ... I know that every words of it means something ... I dont give much of a credit to this personality for the works he has done ... may be i dont know abt him that well !!!

When u feel so low in life .. when I feel so low in life ... I think abt it.. I think of person who has not even got things in life which I have ... I think abt the ppl who dint have good parents as I have to care of them.. to educate them ..to make them something worth in life... I think abt ppl .. who earn but have to decide upon the menu depending upon how much they earned today... I think abt ppl who are physically challenged and couldnt do something important just because they dont have a way to transform their thoughts into action ... many such things ...

And when I think abt such things .. I know ... I understand .. I feel the importance of my living.. the importance of things that are there but I never noticed.. the importance of me being ALIVE !!!

I come out of the isolation .. i return to the world rejuvenated...I feel fresh ... i feel happy... i feel satisfied... i am more matured .. i am more confident.. i am more of myself !

Cheers..

Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed

2005-05-10T18:29:00.000+05:30

A remarkable poem by Emily Dickinson. Here it goes,

Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.

Not one of all the purple host
Who took the flag today
Can tell the definition,
So clear, of victory

As he, defeated, dying,
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Break agonized and clear!

It tells us so much about happiness and the things we treasure.
How long does,truely, happiness last? Happiness that emerges out of triumph; upon achieving something; upon getting what you had long wished for, you needed, you wanted to be yours.

How long does it last?

This though is something that shivers me coz i dont know of anything which can give me eternal happiness. It is there in ur heart, ur mind for sometime but then it disappears. And this happens a lot. A lot to me....may be others too. I guess this is how things work...this is how life is meant to be ... chasing for something which can get you those moments of happiness... this is what keeps the world going..doesnt it?

It,the happiness, lasts until you start searching for something else..something else to be won... something else to be acquired..something else to be plundered. One fine day when u identify that target....whhhooossshhh... u r back where u had started from...not that ur life has not changed ... not that the world has not changed. Its just the mental state which now can no longer identify that sweet feeling coz you have that fear that this time u may fail .. u may not get what u tried for..but then I guess ... this is what keeps u going coz Life has dynamics..it has motion... the moment you stop trying to reach ur next goal is the moment life ends inside u !

Keep on going ... this is what i tell myself...success or failure are irrelevant.. believe in urself... keep on trying ... coz I feel the happiness upon success is directly proportional to the number of times u fail...leave out the boundary conditions, though :)...

Cheers...

It comes thru one's attitude

2005-04-11T14:42:00.000+05:30

Here's something ......got from somewhere but felt was quite good enough to share...

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. "

Think over and over...!!!

defining success

2005-04-11T12:36:00.000+05:30

One of Sir Winston Churchill’s greatest speeches was also his shortest. When the time came to deliver his speech at a graduation ceremony at Oxford University, Churchill shouted just three words: "Never give up!" He paused a few seconds, fixed the crowd with that famous bulldog glare and once again shouted, "Never give up!" He then slowly walked off the podium, satisfied that he had passed on to the graduates the message they needed to succeed.

For many it means one or a combination of these:-

1. Earning enough money to be materially comfortable in life
2. Progressing in one’s career path
3. Gaining positional power and status
4. Producing high-quality work
5. Helping to grow/build an organisation or business
6. Helping to grow people, personally and professionally
7. Serving customers or clients
8. Benefiting other stakeholders, such as society and the environment
9. Providing for the well-being of future generations

but what i understand is that they should be your own and not Cntrl C'ed and Cntrl V'ed of someone else's.

Cheers,
Paddy